Joey: Dr. Ulmelmahay?

Stonemeister: bugger?  i'm filling out a job app, gimme a sec?

Joey: Mr. Cocktoastin?

Stonemeister: ok, done

BUZZ!!!

Joey: knob gobbler?

Stonemeister: that would be me

Joey: hang on making some cereal

Stonemeister: don't set fire to the house

Joey: one of the ladies from my knitting class gave me the recipe for corn flakes

Stonemeister: burn the house down making it?

Joey: no, but I did break a nail tearing open the box

Stonemeister: i ruptured a disk making a fizzy once

Joey: the hard part of the recipe is collecting the toenail clipping

Stonemeister: i fractured both femurs making opening a packet of swiss miss

Joey: and the monkey feet

Stonemeister: i accidentally shot dr. martin luther king when i slipped opening a bag of fritos

Joey: I suffered spinal stenosis opening a box of four cheese frozen pizza

Joey: accidentally kidnapping Patty Hearst in the process

Stonemeister: i accidentally drove a 767 into a skyscraper while trying to inhale some sugar from a saliva-wettened pixie stick

Joey: twice

Stonemeister: you saw?

Stonemeister: was my face red!

Stonemeister: i gassed 8,000 kurds in response to biting into a too-hot hot pocket

Stonemeister: but then who hasn't?

Joey: one of the worst air disasters in the history of high fructose snack school lunch snack products

Stonemeister: i believe it was in the top ten

Stonemeister: if not, it should have been

Joey: I mixed this other kellogg cereal with the corn flakes

Joey: tastes like crap

Stonemeister: i brutally raped and murdered 48 young girls and prostitutes and dumped their bodies in the Green River while trying to get a straw into a box of cherry hi-c

Joey: has one of those names that's supposed to make you think it's healthy

Stonemeister: diarhea-o's

Joey: but, its got more sugar than a 2 litre bottle of coke

Stonemeister: you read my hi-c accident?

Joey: it's called Smart Start

Joey: should be called diabetes start

Stonemeister: colon blow

Joey: or double extremity amputation start

Stonemeister: today i accept that commission-only job as a recruiter

Joey: officially

Stonemeister: kinda

Stonemeister: work from home

Joey: when do you start working

Stonemeister: probably monday

Stonemeister: they're calling at 12, they really want me

Joey: better than a sharp stick in your tongue

Stonemeister: they like the fact that i know IT well, plus they like my marketing ideas

Joey: how are you gonna recruit

Stonemeister: well

Joey: use the same tactics you use with nambla

Stonemeister: i recommended they use a cartoon mascot for their offshoring contracts.  it's a fat little pig with a beard and a turban, and his name is little-mo

Joey: excellent!

Stonemeister: well thought out

Joey: how about a giant, animated glob of mucous?

Stonemeister: that's even worse

Stonemeister: unless you make it a cowboy

Stonemeister: then it's loveable

Joey: that's why you're a genius

Stonemeister: they're going to make it a float for the macy's parade

Stonemeister: and fill it with real mucous harvested from homeless addicts

Joey: nobody would have gone to the cowboy hat

Stonemeister: when santa comes out, the pop the float

Joey: outside the box thinking

Stonemeister: the crowd will love it

Stonemeister: who doesn't love being inundated with disease-ridden mucous?

Joey: PT Barnum would be proud

Stonemeister: linus pauling would be proud

Joey: "There's a nasal discharge covered sucker born every day"

Stonemeister: can't you imagine all the fun the crowd will have?

Stonemeister: slipping, sliding, romping ankle deep in mucous

Joey: and the extra revenue generated from the tissues to clean up the mess

Stonemeister: why clean it up?  just wait for it to dry up, people will pick it for pure pleasure

Stonemeister: some will furtively eat it

Stonemeister: fun will be had by all

Joey: well, I'd love to keep brainstorming these innovative marketing ideas with you, but I gotta start my day

Stonemeister: i'm a freaking genius!

Joey: Lenny the Menny could be counted on the eat the dried mucous

Stonemeister: could make it a contest

Joey: bring him in as a consultant

Stonemeister: way ahead of you

Joey: write it off

Joey: actually, wouldn't have to pay him

Stonemeister: invite celebrities to challenge him

Joey: his hobby is eating dried mucous

Stonemeister: paris hilton, aretha franklin, larry king

Joey: well known dried mucous eaters all

Stonemeister: sandra day o'connor

Joey: Dr. Henry Kissinger

Stonemeister: stephen hawking

Joey: I imagine he produces a bit of it himself

Joey: just can't cough it up

Stonemeister: i can't stop imagining that

Joey: I could be relied upon in a pinch

Joey: glad to help

Stonemeister: so can tom brady

Stonemeister: margaret thatcher

Joey: the entire Green Bay Packer roster when they play at home in January

Stonemeister: heidi klum

Stonemeister: she can really pack it away

Joey: there was more per capita mucous being produced on the sideline of that Giants playoff game than anywhere else in the world

Stonemeister: they were moonlighting for the macy's day parade

Joey: Tom Coughlin filled up a shopping bag all by himself!

Stonemeister: he brought some from home

Joey: I understand Eli Manning kept his in a zip lock baggy in his helmut

Stonemeister: i heard that too

Joey: well, vince, I gotta be movin' on

Stonemeister: later

Joey: I'll call you from the road later

Joey: late